Remember the early days of Facebook, before it became the controversy-courting internet behemoth it is today, and was just a university network where students could post up photos of each other in fancy dress. Back then being ‘married’ or ‘engaged’ was meant ironically, and the most inflammatory group was ‘Don’t Close The Boat’ (368 members), in support of the infamous Newcastle club that smelt of sick and had a revolving dance floor.
I’m not particularly upset that all this has changed. There are far cooler things to get upset about. Though I was just reminded of one early-Facebook feature I used to like in an email from my friend Lucy. She’s been living in Hong Kong for the past few years with her Fiancé; when in the same country, we’re prone to having long, rambling conversations about nothing in particular. Until she returns to get married next year, the long distance substitute is an exchange of long rambling emails about nothing in particular.
In one of these yesterday she reminded me of an incident involving Jack, a boy she dated on and off when we were in our teens. After things went horribly sour – more on that in a bit – she lost touch with him. Then in her second year of university a friendship request came through from him out of the blue. This is the problem with Facebook, just as it’s a life-support machine for friendships which otherwise would long be happily dead, it can resurrect all sorts of relationships you’d rather forget about entirely.
When you accepted a friendship request, there used to be a ‘How do you know this person?’ section, where you were invited to tick a category (friend / relation / colleague/ randomly). Underneath this was a box with no word limit, where you had the option to elaborate further. I don’t know why they decided to get rid of this, it was genius – you could suggest all sorts of outrageous and inappropriate meeting places. Anyway, when Jack’s request came through, Lucy smiled to herself and wrote the following:
How do you know this person?
Jack and Lucy met randomly many years ago. They dated for a short while but continued to get along well. A few years later when Jack had broken up with his long term girlfriend, Lucy hooked up with Jack, although she suspected he was a bit of a bastard since for the long years he had been dating Catherine, he still attempted to flirt with Lucy and asked on several occasions if Lucy could send him photographs of her breasts. After sleeping with Lucy, Jack told her that she did not compare to Catherine. He also told Lucy that she could do with losing a bit of weight, perhaps so that she would look more like Catherine. He also told Lucy that he had slept with an Australian Gap student that morning, and fully intended to sleep with someone else again that night. He also told Lucy that she was a slut. Lucy forgets what else Jack told her but thinks that is enough to be getting on with. A few months later, a boy who happened to know Jack had a crush on her. Lucy liked said boy and was hoping he would ask her out. When Jack discovered this, he told the boy that Lucy was a slut. He said this within hearing distance of other people, all of whom knew her. Additionally, he reiterated these details the following morning, just to ensure everyone knew it was not the alcohol talking. Needless to say, the boy never got in touch. Jack did not know that Lucy knows this. He does now.
